ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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