can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
