These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
