Just cropdusted the office
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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