I love black thongs
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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