; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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