she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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