We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
