I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
