i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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