Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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