hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
