True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
