So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
