Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
