you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
