I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
