I'm drive I can fine osifer
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
