Everything about him screamed your future.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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