there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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