We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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