I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
