my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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