Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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