But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
