i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
