Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
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Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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