i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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