"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
ttyl tear gas
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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