So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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