I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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