Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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