the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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