Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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