Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
