the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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