I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
