What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
