So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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