Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
