There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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