You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
