38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
