You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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