quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
