just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
