just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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