My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
