also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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