if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize