The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
