why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
