Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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