After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
