oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
