I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
