broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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